Sex After Kids: Practical Advice for Men

Yesterday we posted a brief article recognizing the reality of how sex changes once children enter a marriage.  Today, we’d like to offer some practical tips to help ensure that this aspect of your marriage stays fresh and strong for years to come.

Men: I (Justin) acknowledge that it’s not just your wife’s thought process and state of mind that changes after children enter your marriage, yours does too.  Nevertheless, one of the questions I’ve been asked by a number of men has been, “What, if anything, can I do to help my wife be mentally prepared for sex?”

While women may differ in their preference (you really need to know their love language!) here are a few practical tips to help you help your mate.

1) Let her know ahead of time that you’d like to be together that evening.  As we said yesterday, it sometimes takes a long time to mentally prepare for sex. And this is generally more true of women than it is of men.

2) Send her a text message or two or three in the middle of the day complimenting her on everything she does, her beauty, or perhaps a line from a short poem.  Keep her mind interested and engaged on what you desire to transpire that evening.

3) Do everything you can to help her with the house/kids when you get home.  In our home, Megan does all of the laundry.  All of it.  She also washes the dishes 90% of the time.  But putting away the dishes, that’s the one thing she loathes doing.  When I take the opportunity to help her out in that one little area, it goes a long way.  Or when I do everything for the kids’ bath time and bedtime routine, it helps her stay mentally focused on other things…often the very thing I want her to focus on.

Let’s be honest, your mind can turn from dishes to sex in just a few minutes.  Women, on the other hand, have a more difficult time making this transition.  So do everything in your power to help her stay focused.


Have another tip on how you can help your wife stay focused?  Or women, do you have any thoughts on how your husband can help you stay focused?  Feel free to let us know in the comments below.

2 thoughts on “Sex After Kids: Practical Advice for Men

  1. One of my favorite things my spouse does for me is to free me up from other responsibilities at the end of the day and give me privacy so I can freshen up myself (shower, brush my teeth) and tidy up the bedroom. Even though we still have to put the kids to sleep, we anticipate seeing each other later. And I feel that I am giving him my best instead of my leftovers.

    • I wholeheartedly agree with what Jill has said! You know, stuff done throughout the day and week goes a long way…but being given the time to freshen up in order to feel pretty, that does just what Jill has mentioned. It lets me feel like I’ve had the chance to prepare and engage, instead of just “giving my leftovers”. Well said Jill!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s