Valentine’s Day: Ditch the “Event” Mindset

This is part 3 in a series we’ve dedicated to making Valentine’s Day a great day for your marriage.  Through this series we have been advocates for planning a “Going All Out” and “Going All In” kind of evening.  That said, we recognize that a one evening “event” doesn’t make a great marriage.

I (Megan) had it all planned out.  Justin had been having a busy and overwhelming time at work so I planned  the perfect one night retreat for us.  I arranged for the kids to have an overnight visit with grandparents and started planning a fun, “Going All Out” kind of night.  These arrangements were made because I have learned that when my man is struggling and feeling like a failure in certain aspects of life, knowing that he can have great sex with an exuberant and willing wife makes his other troubles seem less burdensome.

So here I was, a night of fun, unexpected, uninterrupted intimate time with the love of my life planned.  In my mind this night was going to be epic.  Then… life happened.  A kid got sick, we had to cancel and I was crushed that all my plans had fallen through.  I was disappointed that all my planning seemed to have gone to waste.  Somehow though, I knew nothing was actually wasted.  Here is why:

Great sex is not an event but the overflow of a great marriage. 

Sex can often provide a lifeline to our marriages, some respite from the harsh realities of our existence on planet earth.  Any sacrifices of time and mental energy to build our marriages and our sex lives are not in vain.  Sometimes special events don’t go as planned or some great idea in the bedroom flops.  We can either be devastated or learn from it.  What happens if you try a new position that just doesn’t work for you, or you do something playful to entice your spouse and they don’t respond as you expect them too?  Ask yourself, “Did I put my time and energy into an event or did I put it into my marriage?”  Often times the answer may be that you did both. However, if you are left with only feelings of devastation or anger, chances are you built up this one experience into an event, a one time experience that will change everything and make the world right.

With Valentine’s Day next week, we want to encourage you to think about how you can add something fun or different to your normal routine.  Thinking outside the box of chocolates and card is great and often has many rewards.  Please understand, however, that great sex comes out of great marriages.  Marriages where couples communicate well and love, honor and respect one another.  These are  marriages who have great sex.  While we continually recommend ideas about how to enhance your sex life, doing so with the goal of building a stronger marriage is essential. So go ahead, go all out and plan something extravagant but leave the “event” mindset behind.  We are building lives and marriages…not a resume.


We would love to hear from you!  Has sex ever become an “event” for you rather than an overflow of a great marriage?  Or have you ever had a date not go as you had planned?


Linked to: WLW and WW

4 thoughts on “Valentine’s Day: Ditch the “Event” Mindset

  1. I remember once when my husband had an awesome date planned for us and I got stung by a wasp as we were dropping the kids off. It kind of put a damper on the evening.

  2. Pingback: Valentine’s Day: Expectations « Do Not Disturb

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