The Great Divide in Sex Initiation: How To Initiate

In our last post we mentioned several reasons why someone may not initiate sex.  These reasons range from simple nervousness and feeling they are doing it wrong to more serious issues that need addressed.  Today we will look at a few ideas that can spark the mind of a person who simply feels awkward or hesitant to initiate sex.
Here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. Consider your spouses desires. When you initiate sex the goal is that your spouse actually responds.  However, oftentimes the tendency is to approach your spouse the way you would want them to approach and initiate with you.  This is not always the best plan.  Take time to consider what it takes to help your spouse respond and then initiate with that in mind.  Perhaps they like some romance, kind words, or a gentle touch.  Maybe they prefer stronger sexual advances and a bit of a sneak peek.  Maybe showing up naked is the best way to get your spouse to respond.  The only way to know what will work for your spouse is to talk about it with them and then try it out.  A gentle reminder though, what works one day may not be the only approach you will ever need.  Vary the way you initiate from time to time and keep the good times coming.

2. Get the mind going early in the day.  We wrote awhile back about how sex really begins outside the bedroom. This can be true when it come to initiation as well.  Giving your spouse an idea that at the end of the day you would like to connect and enjoy their sexual pleasures can help them mentally prepare for the night ahead.  This is particularly important if your spouse tends to plan ahead or just has a very busy schedule.  A simple text message, phone call or note could pave the way for a spectacular night together.

3. Use code words or props.  Add an element of fun to your love life by having a few select words that signal your spouse that you would like to join your bodies together as one at some point during the day.  Or maybe you could let your spouse know you are in the mood by lighting a specific candle that lets them know your flames are burning for them.  It’s even possible for you to have the audacity to include a racy love note or certain undergarment in a place where they are sure not to miss it.  Whatever you can think of that not only let’s your spouse know you desire them but is also flirtatious and fun at the same time.  Nothing wrong with that.

4. Scheduling, planning or expecting sex at certain times is a form of initiation.  Some couples may not need to include any initiation. They’re ‘in the habit’ of knowing one another in such a way that they just seem to know it’s time to have sex.  Some may argue that this is a goal to work toward within marriage.  But while it may be good to always be on the same page, a surprise sexual initiation at an unexpected time or in an unexpected way can still create fireworks and improve upon your sex life even more.

5. Get help. It seems that ‘counseling’ has become a dirty-word in today’s day and age. Sadly, some individuals may initiate sex over and over and continually be turned down. Instead of constantly dealing with rejection and finding ways to suppress your sexual desires, we recommend getting council. Sex is supposed to be part of the marriage relationship. If you’re being rejected over and over again, do everything in your power to get the help your marriage needs. Fulfilling your sexual desires with vibrators, masturbation, or pornography will only fulfill your physical desires.  But a good marriage has strong emotional and spiritual desires fulfilled through sex as well. So if necessary, get help. In the end, your spouse and your sex life will be glad you did.


Have another tip for initiating sex?  Let us know in the comments below.


Linking with: To Love Honor and Vacuum, Women Living Well

2 thoughts on “The Great Divide in Sex Initiation: How To Initiate

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