13 Realities of Sex in Marriage: #1 Sex is Poetry

Sex is a lot of things.  It’s fun.  It’s intimate.  It’s vulnerable.  It’s…well, too many things to write into one post!  Therefore, we thought it would be good to start off the New Year with a new series: 13 Realities of Sex in Marriage.

WP_000465Earlier in our marriage we purchased magnetic poetry for our refrigerator.  While the majority of ‘creative’ poetry we came up with was based on nature (or other common poetic themes), we occasionally wrote something a little more…well, erotic.  There was nothing like walking to the refrigerator for a glass of iced tea and then see something like this posted for the other to see. (If you’re curious about the ‘garden’ reference, feel free to check out Song of Songs 4:16-5:1.)

Twelve years later, we just busted out the magnetic poetry once more.  Only now, we have a couple of children who are getting more and more inquisitive as the days go by.  Therefore, something tells us that we won’t be publishing too much ‘code’ on the refrigerator in the near future.  Even still, we both know that sex is meant to be poetic.  Poetry, by definition, is used to express both feelings and ideas and is done so in rhythmic patterns.  Sound familiar?  And while sex in marriage could be described in many poetic aspects, we’ll keep this post limited to the following:

Sex is poetry in action

We’ll be honest, we don’t read a great deal of poetry.  But we know that like other genres of writing, poetry often includes a hidden meaning.  The author is usually longing for something greater, or dreaming of something grander. They work tirelessly to put their dreams into words and by doing so, allow their dreams to become reality.

Similarly, when a married couple takes the opportunity to ‘connect’, they’re participating in an act that helps them experience something greater and grander than the everyday life.  He often goes to work dreaming of accomplishing the impossible.  She may wonder if she’s truly fulfilling her dreams.  But when they disappear under the sheets, they’re like a poet putting their pen to paper.  Dreams become a reality for a short period of time and then before you know it, it’s time to put pen to paper again, and experience the impossible once more.

Sex is poetry in motion

Poets don’t only have the task of writing words, but their phrases have to have a specific rhythm to them.  This rhythm may be different depending on the time period and culture of their writing, but after reading enough of their poems, it’s easy to see how they’re able to tie one thought right into another through their words.  Study their writings long enough and you’ll begin to fully understand their entire worldview.

Similarly, sex gives the opportunity to know your spouse in countless ways. You know what makes them smile, giggle, blush, and even climax.  But these discoveries are dependent upon studying your spouse’s sexual cadence for a long period of time.  You have to know their love language, their body, their emotions, and their sexual rhythm.  Once you know their rhythm and they know yours, you can then work together to keep your rhythm in sync with one another.  Write enough ‘poetry’ together and you’ll create your own rhythm.  A rhythm that you, and only you will know and understand as your love for one another deepens even more.

Sex is poetry in words

Poets know their own thoughts and emotions extremely well.  So well, in fact, that they will spend countless hours wrestling through how to describe them in words.  But when the moment is just right, their words flow effortlessly and they are able to communicate deep truths that help both themselves and the reader long for more.

Similarly, many couples know exactly how they feel about their spouse, but don’t always know how to put their thoughts and emotions into words. But in those secret moments behind closed doors, they’re able to physically, emotionally, and spiritually communicate deep love for one another.  They are able to physically accept one another in full, emotionally accept that their love for one another is very real, and spiritually accept that they are one flesh.  In those secret moments when everything is communicated just right, you’ll both be left completely fulfilled, yet longing for more.

On a final note, poets don’t just take time to think about life and how to put their thoughts and feelings into words, they also think about how to be a better poet.  So, if you’re looking for a worthy goal for 2013, don’t just think about taking more opportunities to make sexual poetry together…that’s a given.  But take opportunities to think about how you can make your sex life even better.  And like a good poet, always believe that there’s another poem to be written.  Always believe the effort it takes is worth it.  Always believe that your next poem will be better than the last.


Discuss with your spouse:

1. What first comes to your mind when you think of sex as poetry?

2. Poetry in action; poetry in motion; poetry in words – which one resonates most with you?  Why?

3. Challenge: Take the opportunity to read Song of Songs this week with your spouse. Write out one verse to him/her each day from your reading, and think about how you can implement that verse in your marriage…that night!

6 thoughts on “13 Realities of Sex in Marriage: #1 Sex is Poetry

  1. The first element that must be present is the husband and wife have to care. Too many just don’t care about the physically intimate part of the relationship. They’ve given up. They have the children they want, so why bother. It can be messy. Menopause has changed things. They just don’t care. And dealing with that apathy is difficult.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s