Connectivity and Sex

Sex is about connection. It’s about fun and games. It’s meant to bring a married couple together to share in something that is exclusive.  An exclusive moment of knowing and being known at the deepest level.  This is what sex is all about.  However, knowing all these incredible reasons doesn’t seem to eliminate how challenging it can be to make sex a priority.  See if you can relate to any of these common reasons people choose not to have sex.

  • too tired
  • too busy
  • no energy
  • too much work to do
  • don’t feel sexy
  • relational conflict (with spouse or others)
  • lack of connection/conversation throughout the day
  • it doesn’t feel good
  • our relationship needs help!
  • demands of the day (work, kids, family, house, bills etc) are overwhelming

A long list that probably doesn’t include half the reasons and excuses that shove sex to the bottom of the “to do” list.  We are unable to address all of those issues in one post but today we are going to share 4 ways to feel connected to your spouse throughout the day.  Trying these ‘touch-points of connection’ may just revive your desire to connect physically and intimately.

1. Begin your day with a smile, a kiss and a kind word.  It seems simple, maybe too simple, but what have you got to lose?  Starting the day with affection and touch can be a good way to boost the intimacy in your relationship.  A kiss, kind word and tender moment at the beginning of the day can help set the tone for the rest of the day.  Your marriage is supposed to be set apart from the rest of your relationships, so do something that truly sets it apart.  If your spouse is used to a rushed  and hectic morning encounter, determine what changes you need to make in order to give your spouse your best.

2. Communicate with your spouse throughout the day.  There are a number of ways that you can let your spouse know that you are thinking about them throughout the day.  It could be a simple lunchbox note or handwritten note in their car.  Maybe an email or text during the day.  And though our tech savvy culture may snicker at the archaic devise called a phone, it just might be the point of connection your marriage needs.  Take into consideration what communication works best for you and your spouse then follow through and begin regularly communicating. (check out these 5 text your should send your spouse from Messy Marriage)

3. Think about your spouse throughout the day.  While it is wonderful to actually communicate with your spouse, thinking about them is also very beneficial.  Set up reminders (or what we call “triggers”) throughout your day that entice you to remember your spouse.  Simple and mundane tasks take on new meaning if you are purposefully turning your mind and heart towards your spouse.  Don’t underestimate the importance of mentally and emotionally connecting to your spouse throughout the day.

4. Pray for your spouse. There is an incredibly powerful connection that is possible when we pray for our spouse.  Whether we are praying about specific concerns our spouse has shared with us or praying for more general well being, God can change the course of our marriage when we are willing to bring our prayers to Him.  There are many great resources available to help you learn to pray for your spouse and we would encourage you to use them.  Consistency however is the key.  Consistently pray for all different aspect of your marriage and watch God work.

“This post doesn’t have anything to do with sex” you may be saying right now. That may appear true as we didn’t address many of the excuses in our list.  It’s our belief though, that these ‘touch-points of connection’ can help revive your marriage.  A great sex life comes from the overflow of a strong marriage.  So if you want a great sex life begin by working on having a stronger marriage.


Join the conversation:

How have you found that connectivity during the day helps you desire connectivity in the bedroom?

Linking with: To Love Honor and Vacuum, Messy Marriage, Happy Wives Club

8 thoughts on “Connectivity and Sex

  1. Another point, not exclusively limited to your topic, but I believe relevant is this; whenever spouses part the last words between them should be “I love you”, or something similar. You never know if that is the last time you will ever see your spouse. It would be terrible to live the rest of your life remembering your last words together were harsh words. A relative by marriage lost her spouse some years ago. He went to walk their dog (which ran home alone) and was killed when hit by a truck out of control.

  2. It’s so true that a strong intimate relationship needs more than body parts moving in tandem. We talk about it being a twenty-year warm up! There are no short cuts…

  3. How enamored we are when we are first dating that we can hardly bear to be apart. Now, I read your post and love #3 and the idea to set up triggers to think about my spouse. It’s all about choosing our priorities. Thanks for the reminder of that!

  4. I wholeheartedly agree that making these four actions a part of my everyday “to do list” will improve and energize my sexual relationship, Megan. I’m so glad you’re sharing it with all of us, because, truthfully, I need the reminder! I’m so grateful that you’re highlighting my post about texts, but unfortunately, I’ve let that practice slide over the past couple of weeks. I’m encouraged to pick it back up again, my friend. Thanks for the gentle nudge … and for linking this fine piece of encouragement up at Wedded Wed! 🙂

  5. YES! Connectivity during the day is especially important for connecting in the evening. How we start the day often affects the entire day in our marriage – which is why I never let him leave for work without kissing, hugging, and telling him I love him. He often likes to talk on the phone on the way to work and the way home from work, even more so than face-to-face conversation, and so I try to make this time a priority (but not always… need to keep working on that). I try to send him one positive encouraging text during his workday. I try to make it a point to pray for him during my morning devotions. And thinking about him throughout the day comes naturally, hence texting him. On the other hand, sometimes connecting first thing in the morning helps us to connect throughout the day, and often sets the tone for the entire day. When we’ve been intimate, we are more in tune to each other’s needs, desires, and emotions throughout the day, and we both generally serve the other more and want to spend even more time together.

  6. Absolutely! Connectivity throughout the day is the basis for our connectivity in the bedroom (and living room, and kitchen :)). I don’t have an “on/off” switch so as the Kevin Leman book goes, “Sex Begins in the Kitchen,” in this house. The blessing for me is my husband realizes this and makes sure to love me all throughout the day so my switch is already “on” once we get to the end of the day.

  7. Pingback: Good Clicks for Your Weekend | Becoming His Eve

  8. So many issues at hand but We are in Love. We let each other know throughout the whole day starting with the morning kiss and kind word. Sex isn’t always on the agenda but a time for being intimate is a priority for us even if it is the last part of our day.

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