Sex and Chocolate:

A recent study indicated that 52% percent of women said they would choose chocolate over sex.  While there is certainly a lot of creativity that goes into the process of enjoying the dark, sweet goodness of chocolate, we’re not so sure  it’s fair to compare chocolate with sex.  So, today, rather than offering a choice between sex or chocolate we thought we would share a way to enjoy both.

Including your sense of taste into your times of intimacy can certainly be fun.  Whether it’s a bottle of Hersey’s or some chocolate body paint, you may discover that sex can satisfy more than one of your palettes.  One of the fun facts of this type of foreplay is that it all happens naked. It’s not too complex, just strip your spouse naked and then allow their body to be your artistic canvas.  Use your fingers to swirl the chocolate into their flesh and let them enjoy the massaging feeling it provides.  You can even be sure to brush just a little bit onto the areas of their body that will cause severe erotic jubilation.  And once you’re finished, be sure to give them the pleasure to use your body as a canvas as well. When you’re finished, your sticky bodies pressed against one another will be the perfect reminder that chocolate is really, really good, but gourmet sex with your spouse is even better.

But what about those who can’t each chocolate?  Well, we’re pretty sure you can think of something to sweeten or spice up your taste buds during sex with your spouse.  Still, one suggestion we would like to offer is to have a sexual box of chocolates.  Simply take the opportunity to empty out a box of chocolates and fill those spaces with notes that depict different sexual acts that you each feel comfortable with. If you want to go the extra mile, you could even wrap them up in small pieces of tissue paper so you could unwrap them every time you wish to go “gourmet”.  Keep the box hidden most of the time, but one of you should break it out every few weeks (or days?) and leave it in a place where your spouse will discover it.  Doing so in the morning will give each of you the entire day to emotionally prepare for great sex that evening.

To coin a phrase from Forrest Gump; “Life is like a box of chocolates.  You never know what your gonna get.”  Why not add a bit of fun (or food) to your bedroom and see just what you may come up with. You may not know exactly what you’re gonna get.  But you do know you’re going to get something good.

Better Than A Magazine: Taste

This is part 5 in a series on how to better incorporate all 5 senses in your sexual experiences with your spouse.

When we receive questions on marriage, sex and how to incorporate the 5 senses, the sense of taste is the one least likely to be openly discussed.  The bedroom is, well, the bedroom.  And the kitchen is the kitchen.  But when some do choose to be brave and ask questions, we like to provide answers.  So here are two questions that are most brought up when it comes to sense of taste in the bedroom.

1) Is it OK to incorporate food into the bedroom? Our answer to this question is, “Whatever floats your boat.”  If you want to have strawberries and whipped cream on-hand, who are we to tell you not to go for it?  If you have some desire to eat fried calamari off your spouses chest, go for it (just be warned of what this may do to the sense of taste!).  If popcorn is your after-sex cigarette, enjoy it together.  We don’t prefer to encourage or discourage the use of food in the bedroom.  If you think you would enjoy it, try it out and see if you do.  If you don’t, then don’t. It’s no big deal either way.

2) Am I really supposed to put my mouth/tongue/etc….there?  Yes, there are a number of couples who are curious about the subject of oral sex.  Many of them are shy or unwilling to ask.  The main question is regarding whether this act is “appropriate” or not.  We’ve even been asked if it’s “appropriate” to engage in oral sex with just the male or if it’s acceptable to engage in oral sex with the female as well.

On this question, we generally refer to some Bible verses within the Song of Songs:

His fruit is sweet to my taste (2:3).

Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits (4:16).

I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride;…I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey (5:1).

Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine (7:2).

Do these passages surprise you at all?  For some, they are very surprising.  Still, the question then becomes, “Is the Bible really talking about oral sex here?”  Some Hebrew scholars believe so.  However, even if this isn’t the case, there certainly isn’t anything within scripture to forbid it.  Sex is discussed as a free gift to be enjoyed among married couples.

If the realm of oral sex is something completely new for you and/or your spouse, take it slowly.  Again, it’s not something you should ever feel you have to do.  Nevertheless, some women may only find that they’re able to climax during external stimulation (it’s not vaginal penetration that always gets her there).  So our rule of thumb continues to be: Talk about sex, be comfortable with one another, and enjoy one another.  And if you’ve never jumped off a bridge into the river of oral delights, maybe decide to take the plunge together.

Better Than A Magazine: Sound

This is part 4 in a series on how to incorporate the 5 senses into your quality time together.

Sound, is one of the senses that very likely gets overlooked during lovemaking.  But what you hear during your time together may very well make or break the sexual experience.  Here are a few things to consider in the area of sound:

1) Music: Some enjoy music during love making.  Some absolutely do not.  They would prefer to keep their mind focused on other senses and music is more distracting than anything else.  Nevertheless, for those who do enjoy music, the style of music is key to the sexual experience.  In fact, statistics indicate that those who listen to Jazz more frequently are inclined to be more sexually active.  Some may enjoy Frank Sinatra while others prefer modern day pop music.  The options are far and wide.  And lets face it, if you have children in the house and you want to be “alone” for just a little bit, music may help to block out any unwanted distractions the little ones could throw your way.

2) Talking: Recently, we saw a television sitcom where the wife asked the husband to “speak dirty” to her in bed.  It was a new experience for them both and he honestly didn’t know what to say.  He sought help from a friend who ended up giving him some advice..some very bad advice.  When the time came for them to connect that evening, she was so put off by what he said that it destroyed their time together.

I confess, we laughed through the entire episode.  But it communicated a very good point.  What do you say during love making?  And can you say something that crosses the line?

As for the first question, this is something to best discuss with your spouse.  Some may prefer no words and some may want some kind of “talk” to be going on.  Respond to your spouse in the manner that best arouses them – not you.  Keep your focus and energy on them first and then ask them to return the favor.

Regarding the second question, yes, there is definitely talk that may “cross the line”.  We’ve been asked a few times what, exactly, crosses the line but this is a difficult question to answer.  In the simplest words possible, if what’s being said makes either of you uncomfortable, it probably needs to stop.

In closing, next to touch, sound is the greatest sense that can make or break the sexual experience.  You can be on the same page visually, and you may know exactly where and when to touch your spouse to get them to soar.  But to know how to audibly get your spouse aroused before and during the sexual experience is something that will take a lot of practice…so go get practicing!

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Have a favorite song or album that helps put you and your spouse in the mood?  Let us know in the comments below.

Better Than A Magazine: Touch

This is part 3 in a series all about incorporating the 5 senses in your marriage bed.

“Touch” is kind of a no-brainer when it comes to physical intimacy.  There is no intimacy without some kind of touch, right?  Right.  Nevertheless, there are certain things that can be done to make your experience that much more pleasing for you both.

1) Discover where your spouse likes to be touched.  This seems very simple, but the truth is there will be places he or she will prefer to be touched more than others.  If you ask them where these places are and they reply by saying, “I enjoy our time together and I don’t really have anything specific to add here,” they’re not being completely open.  There are very specific ways they want to be touched, held, and caressed during the act of love making.  Your spouse has a mental image of what the perfect sexual experience with you looks like, and you owe it to them to discover what that is and how to get them there.

Additionally, there is most likely a number of places on their body they want be touched and they want it to happen in a very specific order. When you find those spots and walk through them gradually during your time together, the results will amaze them and make the sexual experience just that much more enjoyable for the two of you.  But if you go for the “Jackpot” place of touch too soon, it may cause a negative reaction because they just weren’t ready for that yet.

2) Consider using something other than your hands.  You have appendages attached to your body other than your arms.  Wrapping your spouse tightly with your legs just may bring a response that you could never accomplish with your hands.  And yes, you’re always welcome to get creative with your feet as well.  Just be careful, a reflex kick reaction could turn a moment of pleasure into an apologetic moment of pain.

3) Use massage oils.  There are lotions and oils available for massaging that make foreplay much more interesting.  And yes, there are oils/gels you can use elsewhere on your body as well.  If Yours and Mine isn’t your cup of tea, keep searching.  You’ll discover something you both enjoy.

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Have another tip on how to better incorporate “touch” in your time together?  Feel free to drop us a line in the comments below!

Linked to: WLW and WW

Better Than a Magazine: Smell

We are continuing to explore how to incorporate the 5 senses into your sex lives.  Today we will be creatively thinking about how to include the sense of smell.

Did you know that your body can tell the difference between 4,000-10,000 different scents?  That is why certain smells can trigger emotional responses or even physical reactions.  We believe that the sense of smell can be used to heighten your sexual experiences together.

Here is an experiment that you might want to try….a scent date if you will.

1.  Take a shower, alone or together, to prepare a clean scent palate.  Try to use a fragrance free soap for the greatest effect.

2.  After showering, consider if you personally feel more desirable or if you are more attracted to your mate.  Some people may not be bothered at all by sex at any time no matter the odors present but some people might be put off by body odors.  Be sensitive to your spouses preferences.

3.  Consider the aroma of the room you are in.  Will lighting scented candles increase your desire?  If so, what scents?  Flowers?  Herbs?  Food?  Massage oils, body sprays, dusting powders or even deodorant can also be used to awaken your sense of smell.

4.  Discover the scent of your spouse.   We are not going to give details, you can creatively figure this one out!  Let your pheromones do the talking.

5.  Consider having a trigger scent that you and your spouse use to arouse each other towards each other.  I (Megan) have trained my sense of smell to be triggered with a desire to connect with Justin through the conscious use of certain scents.  When I want to engage my mind to desire physical intimacy I use certain scents that he uses only in the context of our intimate times together.  It is a great secret between us that only we know.  As married couples we can use our sense of smell to be drawn closer to one another and  it can certainly have great benefits in the bedroom.

This series of post is meant to encourage you to think outside the bed sheets about what you can do that will make what happens in between the bed sheets better than a magazine.  Have fun!

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Let us know if you have any questions you want answered.  We are compiling some weekly FAQ posts and would love to hear from you.  Thanks for reading.

Linking at: WLW and WW

Better Than a Magazine: Sight

Everybody has seen them, the articles claiming to have the 5 secrets to drive your mate wild, or seven kinky ideas to change your sex life.  Truthfully, they don’t ever pique our interest because we are not convinced they are going to tell us anything we don’t already know or that we couldn’t come up with by using a little creativity.  Therefore, we are going to let you in on one of the secrets to great sex.  It is something you have known for years.  You ready?  Use your 5 senses.

Seems simple enough but for some reason taking time to think through how to engage all your senses in love making can produce some heart pounding results.

Before we continue, we’d like to let you know that men and women will respond differently with their senses.  For example, women may not find “sight” very helpful during lovemaking, while men may respond better to what they see.  Knowing how to respond appropriately to your mate’s 5 senses is key.  With that said, here are a few pointers to ensure you’re using the sense of sight effectively.

Clothing: It’s true that most married couples just want to “get to it”.  Foreplay isn’t frequent and some lengthy research has found that the typical sexual experience for couples lasts anywhere from 3-13 minutes.  But this doesn’t always have to be the case.  And our advice for women on this subject is to occasionally wear something sexy.  This will help you to stay mentally focused throughout the day (you know you can’t wait to show it to him) and just the sight of you wearing something he wasn’t expecting will help him go from 0-70 mph in seconds.  Be honest, you spend lots of money on eating out, movies, and other things throughout the year.  You owe it to your marriage to spend some cash on a couple of sexy outfits a year.  Men you can find out what “look” turns your wife on so you can wear (or not wear) to her liking.

Lighting: This is one area of the sexual experience that’s extremely important.  Lights on?  Lights off?  Dim light?  How dim?  One of you may have one preference while the other may have a completely different one.  Therefore you ought to take turns with your preference, or find a middle ground you both agree on.

Clutter:  Does your bedroom have dirty laundry lying around, or other stuff that should be placed somewhere else?  Remove all unnecessary clutter and distractions from your bedroom and make it an environment that looks appealing for sex.  Staying mentally focused and keeping our eyes right where they should be is a definite plus.

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Have any questions or comments about using the five senses?  Feel free to let us know in the comments below.