13 Realities of Married Sex: #3 Sex is The Act of Marriage

The act of marriage.  Maybe you’ve heard sex referred to that way, maybe not. We want to take a moment to explain what we believe that phrase means.  Sex is not just a physical action, it’s also deeply emotional & spiritual.  When a couple chooses to join their bodies in physical intimacy they are coming together at the deepest possible level.  Two entwined bodies, not knowing where one ends and one begins, is deeply personal, intimate and vulnerable.

Personal – What happens to our bodies happens to every part of us.  We can no easier separate our bodies from our mind, emotions or spirit than we can take the oxygen out of the air.  When sex is used as an impersonal thing, as bodies just doing what bodies do, it is dangerous.  God designed sex to be so much more than physical bodies in action.  And when sex in marriage is nothing more than going through the motions, that marriage is robbed of the beauty of personal growth and marital strength.  So how can one make sex more personal in marriage?

  • Be intentional to think about sex.  When you spend time thinking about sex you become more involved with the emotions attached to sex.  You become more aware of your spouse and you can fall more in love with the one you are intimate with.
  • Use words and sounds to communicate during love making.  Silence during sex is not wrong, but if you need to be reminded that you are personally involved, that it’s not just something that is happening, then be encouraged to make some noise.  Say your spouses name, included the words “I love you”, speak, moan, laugh…whatever you feel comfortable with, but do something.
  • Don’t shortcut the after glow of sex.  Maybe you don’t spend 20 minutes in each others arms after each sexual encounter but if your intention is to make sex more personal don’t underestimate how what happens after the act can have as much impact as what happens during the act.

Intimate – Though closely associated with personal, the word intimate is not just about the individual but about the relationship to the other as well.  Intimacy is built on faithfulness, familiarity, affection, closeness, love, confidentiality and devotion. When any of these characteristics are missing, intimacy will suffer.  Working on the above relational character traits will increase the intimacy in your friendship with your spouse as well as the intimacy during your physical connection.

Vulnerable – To enter or be entered puts one in an incredibly vulnerable position.  If someone is willing to make themselves available at that level physically, not having trust, honesty or commitment at the same time is foolishness.  But great marital sex entails emotional vulnerability, too.  While emotional vulnerability may not be easy or even natural, knowing that there exists a commitment from and for your spouse makes the possibility more accessible.  Work together to reassure your spouse of your commitment to one another and allow your marriage to flourish through speaking the language of vulnerability.

So what do these three things have to do with sex being the act of marriage?  When sex is personal, intimate and vulnerable, it’s as God designed.  To come together with all of these aspects working in harmony creates an incredibly moving, powerful and  artful experience.  Marriages need strength, stability and courage in a world that is broken and marred.  Sex as the acting out of these three aspects of marriage will help a marriage walk in strength rather than weakness, togetherness rather than discord, oneness rather than individuality.  Sex truly can be the act of a strong marriage.

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Discuss with your spouse:

1. Do you agree that sex is the act of a strong marriage?  Explain.

2. What are three ways we can improve in these three areas (personal, intimacy, vulnerability) outside the bedroom?

3. Challenge: Each of you take the opportunity to write out a paragraph of what a God-designed marriage and/or God-designed sex life looks like.  Compare notes when you’re finished, and then discuss what one thing you can do this week to better live this out.

13 Realities of Sex in Marriage: #2 Sex is Always Changing

Change is a word that draws on many different emotions.  Some embrace it.  Some fear it.  But we all know that change is going to happen throughout our lives.  In one way or another, change will happen every year.  Every month.  Even every day.

Sex changes, too.  The way our Western culture discusses sex today is drastically different than we discussed sex even 50 years ago.  The way Jewish culture discusses sex today is drastically different than Song of Songs.  The way a couple will engage in sex will likely change throughout their marriage, too.  Whether due to illness, injury, or personal choices, a couple will mix things up in their sexual relationship throughout their marriage.

These changes are sometimes welcomed, and sometimes not.  How can you ensure your understanding of and desire for sex thrives regardless of the changes?

1. Remember what is constant about sex.

Sex is connection.

In the Bible (Gen. 4:1), it says that Adam lay with his wife, Eve.  The best Hebrew translation here is that Adam knew his wive.  According to scholars, the terminology used here means that Adam likely knew Eve with his eyes, with his touch, and with his mind.  It means that in that moment, Adam understood every aspect of who Eve was as a person.  He was one with her.  Just like that.

Well, one thing that hasn’t changed through the years is that sex still involves this deep oneness.  It visual.  It’s physical.  It’s emotional.  It’s full-on understanding of one another.  It connects two individuals like nothing else can.

Sex is loving.

Consider the following words from Song of Songs 8:5-7

    I aroused you under the apple tree,
where your mother gave you birth,
where in great pain she delivered you.
Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm.
For love is as strong as death,
its jealousy as enduring as the grave.
Love flashes like fire,
the brightest kind of flame.
Many waters cannot quench love,
nor can rivers drown it.
If a man tried to buy love
with all his wealth,
his offer would be utterly scorned.

Here, Solomon explains the significance of real love.  It is strong. Jealous. Enduring. Hot as fire. Cannot be quenched. Cannot be bought.  Anybody who has ever experienced a deeply, intimate, loving relationship understands this passage perfectly.  While there are many words for “love” throughout the Bible, the terms used in Song of Songs are often used to describe the sexual relationship between two lovers.  The couple understands love itself, and serves one another in a sexually loving way.

Sex is fun.

There are a lot of things a couple can do to laugh and enjoy time with one another.  None of them compare with sex.  Even if sex doesn’t always bring laughter, it brings joy.  And it’s a joy worth coming back for again and again.

Sex is restorative.

Ever have an argument and then have make-up sex?  C’mon, you know you have!  As we said above, sex gives a deep oneness, the most intense oneness possible between two people.  So, when you and your spouse are at odds with one another, sex is a great way to get back on the same page.  No matter what your marriage goes through, sex is restorative.  It always heals.  Always rejuvenates.  Always restores.

2. Understand Intimacy.

Sex is a huge part of intimacy, but it’s not the only way to experience intimacy.  For those who have no physical limitations or problems, keep making sex a priority in your marriage.  Do everything you can to make room in your lives and schedules to connect in this way.  It will increase the intimacy aspect of your marriage 100 fold.

For those who are experiencing unwelcome change due to illness or injury, know that you can still experience intimacy with your spouse outside the bedroom. Seek medical advice and help if necessary.  Aside from that though, find means of physical touch that are pleasurable and work for you.  HandsAwaken all your senses to a greater understanding of arousal and sensuous awareness.  Work on communication skills, learn the language of love.  Maybe this is even a good time to learn how to write a good love letter!  To be honest, we’ve heard stories of couples who in their old age or during a severe physical trauma who stated that those seasons were the most intimate ones of their entire marriage!

Bottom line, make it work for you.  It may look different than others and it may even look different than you always dreamed but applying creativity to your love life will always have big returns.

3. Accept change.

While change can be difficult, we must be willing to accept that it’s going to happen.  By accepting it, we’re continually moving forward into the unknown of what God has in store for our lives.

The same is true for the sexual relationship in marriage. While change in the bedroom is ultimately unavoidable, the greatest sex may be gained by accepting the changes as they come.  Accepting them may lead to the unknown.  But the unknown will just be the beginning of  a new chapter of marital oneness.

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Discuss with your spouse:

  1. What changes have occurred in our sex life?
  2. Are there any changes that could improve our communication, our intimacy, or restore our marriage even more?
  3. What is one “fun” thing we can do next time we connect?
  4. Challenge: Are you keeping any secrets from your spouse that are preventing you from being fully known?  Prayerfully consider discussing this with your spouse and if you like, having some restorative sex afterward.  Know, and be known.

After The Act:

People often talk about how important the moments are that lead up to sex.  But what about afterwards?  If sex is the main event then what happens after doesn’t really make any difference, right?  Maybe, maybe not.  We believe the time a couple spends together after sex is an important part of a healthy sexual relationship.  Strong relationships are built on respect, love and good communication.  A lack of communication in this area of your life can cause more trouble than you may think or be aware of.

Let’s begin the discussion by evaluating what your current post-sex routine is. Are you most likely to: lay in each others arms? Take a shower? Get up and continue with whatever, immediately? etc… And then there is the issue of how you handle “clean up”?  What happens when one person wants one thing post-coitus and the other person wants something else? Does time of day, emotional or physical exhaustion, or time constraints affect how you spend your time after sex?  There are no “rules” about what to do after sex but having open and honest dialogue about what you want and why you may want it is essential to making it work for both you and your spouse.

Understanding how hormones work in your body is important to understanding why you or your spouse might want something different after the act.  After orgasm the body releases the hormones of oxytocin, prolactin and endorphins.  The levels released and their effects on the body differ from person to person and differ after each sexual experience.  Some will experience feelings of contentment, bonding and yes even sleepiness may overwhelm their senses.  Each party needs to understand that falling asleep does not necessarily indicate lack of interest but rather true satisfaction.  A partner who does not experience orgasm may be left feeling unsatisfied and may be reaching for more through continued need for physical touch and close proximity.  Arousal that is not resolved can cause tension for a partner who did not experience orgasm and they may desire to fulfill their needs through continued physical touch and closeness.

Post sex kissing, hugging and talking is what psychologists call “pair bonding”. Professing your love for your spouse and other intimate behaviors seem appropriate to build further depth in your relationship.  But what about the times when you or your spouse just want to resume normal activity?  Some people may not care very much for the cuddling and pillow talk.  This could be in part due to hormones as well as personality driven.  While the release of oxytocin (also called the “bonding chemical”) draws out feeling of contentment and closeness the release of prolactin causes a decrease in arousal possibly causing a sense of being “over” the need for sex or physical touch.  It is also possible that a person who has a low need for physical touch may have all their physical needs met through the act of sex itself.  While this is not an excuse to never cuddle or touch outside of sex, it may help explain it.

So, what does all of this mean?  You and your spouse should take time to talk about what you want/need after having spent time together and then fulfill those needs. If one really needs additional talk/touch time, do everything in your power to provide that for them.  If one really needs to rest in the fact that they’re over-the-top-satisfied, allow them that moment of rest.  And if you’re both feeling completely satisfied but aren’t yet ready for sleep, we’re pretty sure there’s a re-run of Law & Order on somewhere.  It may not be as invigorating as sex, but it may be just what you need to wind down a bit.

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How have you and your mate worked together to ensure that what you do “After The Act” benefits your relationship?

Sex: Over, Under and Around

Sex.  Thinking about it.  Talking about it.  Participating in it.  Whatever it is, sex matters.  Everyone has formed opinions about sex and everyone operates out of those opinions.  Where those opinions come from and how they are formed vary from person to person.  Some acknowledge that their views and opinions may not be appropriate.  Others may believe the entire subject is inappropriate.  But all in all, there are a few specific personality types when it comes to the subject of sex.  These include…

1.  …those who OVER think it.

Sex is not meant to be glorified above other things in life, it is merely a part of life.  Nevertheless, there are some who have extremely high expectations of sex.  They believe that sex isn’t just a part of life, but is the ultimate fulfillment of life.  Unfortunately, when those who over think sex believe it will be something or do something for them that it was never meant to be or do,  it leads to disappointment every time.

Sex is powerful.  When that power is used as God intends, it is beautiful.   But when that power is misused or even abused it is destructive.    Sex will not fulfill all your desires.  Sex will not make you a better person.  Sex will not make your “issues” disappear.  Sex will not offer life fulfillment.  Our culture does an excellent job of setting sex up as the be all end all in life and sadly, too many people fall into this trap.  The result is an over thinking of sex, and an under appreciation of it’s goodness.  Sex becomes a punchline, not a sincere moment of intimacy.  A self-pleasing hobby, not a connection.

2.  …those who UNDER think it.

Failure to understand that sex is more than just a physical release is the epitome of under thinking one of God’s greatest gifts to married couples.  Sex is not dirty.  It is not animalistic, nor is it crude.  Sex is not simply about getting your jollies and personal gratification.  Sex is meant for connection, for vulnerability, for giving and receiving. Denying that you have longings and desires does not make you a more spiritual person.  Recognizing that there are boundaries in which those longings and desires are appropriate to be fulfilled, that is what one must pay attention to.  If you have never really taken time to really think about sex we encourage you to do just that.  Think about the connection.  Think about the oneness.  In fact, take the opportunity to write down five things you love about  your sexual relationship with your spouse.  And then take regular opportunities to not only engage in sex, but to discuss the fruit that it creates within your marriage.

3.  …those who SKIRT AROUND it.

Yes, there are people who would rather just ignore sex altogether.  Some people are afraid of sex because of their own sexual past.  Sometimes it is wrong done to them or sometimes people live with regret about their decisions.  Sometimes the pain surrounding sex keeps people from thinking about, dealing with or healing from the negative opinions they have formed about sex.  This approach doesn’t work either.

Sex is not a topic that can be skirted around.  With our culture pounding the subject into every advertisement, song, and sitcom, it is not a subject that can be ignored.  Teens today are forming their beliefs on sex not only because of what they hear from culture, but also on what they don’t hear from adults.  We need to be clearly communicating God’s purposes for sex to them so that they’re not over thinking sex, or under thinking it believing it brings only shame.

4  …those who UNDERSTAND it.

Sex is Godly.  And while this is quite difficult to explain, the Bible says that marriage (including sex) is a reflection of the relationship Jesus has with the Church.  It is the strongest possible bond between two people.  It connects them in a way that goes far beyond the physical and emotional.  It is a perfect representation of the “one flesh” mentality is in the eyes of God.  Sex isn’t God, but it is from God.  And when couples understand sex as something created by God, given by God, and fully approved by God within the marriage relationship, then sex becomes something that one cannot over think, under think or skirt around.  It becomes a positive reminder of how close, how intimate God’s love is for each of us.  And that’s a reminder worth experiencing often.

To truly understand what sex is takes placing sex in the proper position in your life.  Over thinking it (or making an idol out of it) will lead to disappointment and frustration.  Under thinking it takes for granted that sex adds something to your life.  Though sex is far from the only factor in living a happy and fulfilling life, for those who are married it is meant to bring respite, fun and greater joy to your relationship.  No one should miss out on that.  Finding ways to get around thinking about sex is understandable in many cases but it is not a way to live.  Healing and fulfillment are possible and ignoring the root problems don’t make them go away.

Each of us needs to take time to evaluate how we view sex, how that came to be and what we can do to have a healthier approach.  Are you one who may over think it?  Are you one who may skirt around it?  Or are you one who wants to continually understand it more and more and more?

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We confess, we’re slow learners.  When we went through marriage counseling our pastor pretty much said, “You’ll figure it out,” when it came to the subject of sex.  He’s right, we did!  But not immediately.  We had to read, re-read, and re-read certain books again to come to a fuller understanding of sex.  Truth is, we’re still getting there.  And if you’re one who only wants to understand sex more and more and the impact it can have on your marriage, don’t stop here, check out some of these great posts as well:

Hot, Holy, Humorous post titled, “Am I Obsessed With Sex? No. Are You?”

To Love, Honor and Vacuum’s, “29 Days To Great Sex” – take the time to read all 29!

Guide for Newlyweds: Things to Discuss

We have some friends who are nearing their wedding day, and we’ve come to realize that there isn’t a great deal of information out there for what brand new couples should expect in the bedroom.  We are – and always will be! – strong advocates of waiting until marriage to experience sexual intimacy.  Our series on the Pain of Past Sexual Experiences is only the tip of the iceberg on why we believe all couples should wait before considering any type of physical sex.  But what should couples think through and discuss before they get married?

While many couples may choose to have some type of pre-marriage counseling before getting hitched (at least we hope they do), some of the available pre-marriage advice on the subject of sexual intimacy is brief and not overly helpful.  Not only that, but some pastors may spend a great deal of time discussing religion and finances and assume that when it comes to sex, you’ll eventually figure it out. But we believe there are certain topics and questions about sexual intimacy that all couples should discuss at length with each other ahead of time, and this discussion will help set-the-stage for decades of freedom and joy in the area of sexual intimacy.

10  Questions Couples Should Discuss Before You Get Married:

1) What is your view of sex?  Is it something that is fun and liberating?  Is it extremely private?  Is it something else…?

Each individual’s view of sex comes from a variety of areas.  Some of it will come from the cultural and education system we’re all a part of.  Some of it will come from family experience (did dad often kiss/touch mom in your family or were they very reserved?)  Chances are, you will both have some differing views on sex.  One may view any conversation about sex as improper, while the other may believe that conversations about sex should be open and frequent.  One may have a vivid imagination as to what sex is going to be like and the other may feel nervous and intimidated.  Whatever the case may be, you’ve got to make conversation about sex a part of your pre-marriage discussions.  If you both have completely different expectations, it’ll be much better to discuss them before marriage than for your mate to discover their expectations were far from yours ahead of time.

2) How often are we going to plan to have sex on our honeymoon?

Honeymoon’s are great!  The two of you get to travel somewhere special all by yourselves and spend a week or so on-your-own before beginning to settle in and start your marriage.  But one of you may have some honeymoon expectations that the other doesn’t have.  One of you may be thinking you’re going to enjoy sex 2-3 (or more) times a day, and the other may be thinking that one good romp every evening will suffice.  One may think that it will only happen in the bedroom and another may have thoughts of jacuzzi sex.  You’ll want to discuss what each of your hopes and aspirations are to ensure the honeymoon is a delight for you both.

3) How often are we going to plan to have sex throughout our marriage?

Seriously, we can’t emphasize this question enough.  The majority of couples get married without ever discussing how often they’re going to plan to connect.  One may be thinking sex will happen as often as possible, while the other believes once a week will suffice.  The truth is, you may not be able to answer this question fully before your married.  Nevertheless, we highly recommend all couples plan for sex at an absolute minimum of once a week.  Intimacy is absolutely vital for a healthy marriage, and it must remain frequent, in high seasons and in low.  Take the opportunity to not only discuss how often you plan to engage sexually, but also to discuss what steps you can each take to meet or exceed that goal.

4) Are you up for engaging in oral sex?  Why or why not?

Oral sex is one of those subjects that a pre-marriage counselor isn’t likely to bring up.  One of you may be looking forward to the idea of oral sex and the other may be completely repulsed by the idea.  It would be good to know ahead of time.  If you’re both on the same page, feel free to just move on to another question.  But if one is accepting of giving oral sex but not receiving, or vice versa, talk about the reasons why.  Be sure to show respect for the other’s point of view and once you’re married, don’t ask them to do something you know makes them uncomfortable.  But you should both be willing to keep the conversation on-going, as once you warm up to each other sexually you may decide to cross a line you swore you’d never cross.  And in the end, you may discover you’re very glad you did.

5) What kinds of things are “out of bounds” when it comes to sex?

Both of you have some ideas as to what “crosses a line” in the bedroom.  But what those are for you and what they are for your fiancé may be different.  You will want to know what may be out of bounds for your partner before you get married.  Additionally, your fiancé may have some ideas that you’ve never considered, or vice versa.  One of you may want to experience sex on a beach, in the woods, or some other ‘abnormal’ location. One of you may find that some sex toys are acceptable, while others are not.  Find out ahead of time what your spouse has in mind as well as the things that are off-limits.

6) What are we going to do when one of us wants sex and the other doesn’t?

Once you’re married, your body is no longer your own.  You’re not 2 individuals, but one unit.  There will be occasions where 1/2 of that unit is looking for the physical reminder that you’re “one” and the other 1/2 isn’t feeling the need for that physical reminder.  What do you do?  Oftentimes, a compromise may be able to be made.  But don’t plan for compromises at the expense of your marriage.  If one of you is craving sexual intimacy, it’s best to go for it.  If this doesn’t sound appealing to one of you, you’re going to want to talk this through at length before getting married.

7) Are we going to have a TV in our bedroom?

Many households today have TV’s everywhere.  They’re in the livingroom, bedroom, and some houses even have small one’s in the kitchen.  When it comes to your bedroom, you’re going to both want to be on the same page.  If you choose to have a television in your bedroom, we’re not going to tell you it’s wrong.  However, we have a personal conviction that a television in the bedroom will hinder your sexual relationship.  One of you may lose heart when you discover your spouse spends more time watching the nightly news than watching your naked body.  Or perhaps one wants to cuddle after sex and the other wants to watch tv.  A television in the bedroom can cause some emotional struggles in either spouse, so we recommend caution in this regard.

8) After we’re married, are there any limits on when/how I touch you?

This goes back to what we said in #1.  Some grow up in a family where mom and dad were very open about their love for one another verbally and physically.  There’s the normal “I love you” but there’s also the pats on the butt and the big hug from behind.  Others may grow up in an environment where talking/touching doesn’t happen anywhere around others.  You’re going to want to know what kinds of PDA are off-limits with your spouse.  He may desire the occasional “come-from-behind-double-boob-scoop”, or she may desire the occasional “I’m-going-rub-your-inner-thigh-while-we-watch-this-movie-even-with-the-kids-in-the-room”.  Where do you draw the line in your public display of affection?  Get on the same page now before you do something that makes your spouse sexually ice cold.

9) Are we going to allow our children to hinder our sex lives?

You may easily come to agreement on this question now, but chances are, once children enter your marriage your sex lives may change.  Hormones for her are vastly different after children and emotional changes for him aren’t uncommon either.  Before children, talk about what your intimate lives will be like after children, and set goals that you both agree you’re willing to strive for.

10) Is there anything from your sexual past that I’m not aware of?

As mentioned above, we’re high advocates of waiting until marriage for sexual intimacy.  Nevertheless, we recognize that many individuals are sexually active before marriage.  Your spouse must be made aware of any sexual experiences you’ve had in the past before you get married.  It could be a college fling, or it could be a dreadful event such as being molested as a child.  Whatever it is, be sure they understand how much you regret the event from ever happening.  Be open and discuss how much pain you still have from these experiences.  The more open and vulnerable you are, the better off the conversation will be.

If by any chance you’re the one on the receiving end of this conversation, remember that while this event has happened in their past, they still chose you.  It’s you they want to spend the remainder of their life with.  It’s you they recognize as their best friend.  It’s you they want to experience the beauty of sexual intimacy with on a regular basis.  It’s you they want…period.  As difficult as it may be to hear what they have to say, it’s vital to remember they want you, and only you the rest of their lives.

There are many more questions we can consider, but these should provide plenty of pre-marriage dialog.  Nevertheless, if you can think of any questions you wish you had discussed before you were married, feel free to write them out in the comments below.

Getting Help:

We seem to live in a culture where if you tell others you’re scheduling a meeting with someone to discuss your marriage, they take it as a bad thing.  Our culture tells us we must have everything all together.  We can do everything that needs to be done all by ourselves.  Nobody should ask for help…ever.  Those who do ask for help are weak, or one may think their marriage is in rags.

But continually discussing the subject of marriage with experienced couples, or even professionals can be a very good thing.  You can do all you want and work as hard as you want on your marriage, but every once in a while a face-to-face conversation with a professional may be the one-thing, or the one “ah-ha” moment where you both realize something and decide what steps to take for your marriage to get even stronger.

Perhaps you believe your marriage is going well – and maybe it is.  That’s great!  But are there any areas, any at all that could be doing even better?  Or perhaps you believe your marriage isn’t going well, but the thought of asking for help is shameful.  You just don’t want to admit you may need it.  Whichever category you may fall into, here are a few thoughts to consider:

1) Everybody’s marriage can continue to get better

We’ve known couples whose marriages looked great from the outside.  But that’s the thing, we only had an outside view.  Inside their marriage was full of chaos.  Some of those couples ended their marriages after just a few short years.  Some ended their marriage after 30, or even 50 years! How does this happen?  It happens because they were never willing to talk with others about how their marriage could improve.

We’ve also known couples whose marriages looked great from the inside.  While tough seasons came and went, the marriage bond stayed strong.  What was the key?  Most of them would confess that they sought out advice from more experienced couples.  They met with other married couples who had weathered every possible storm, and learned everything they could from them.  Those short 1-2 hour conversations were encouragement enough for them to focus more energy on parts of their marriage that were being neglected.

2) Professional counseling isn’t a bad thing

It’s true that there are a number of counselors who just want to earn a buck.  If you asked them to meet with you, they’d probably meet with you every week until you stopped showing up.  Instead of falling for a professional like this, consider taking Kevin Leman’s advice as he outline’s it in “Sheet Music”.  Find a counselor who is willing to meet with you no more than 3 times.  Allow them to ask you tough questions, and be committed to answering them openly and honestly.  After just 2-3 sessions, they should be able to pinpoint various areas in your marriage that you and your spouse can agree to work on.

Books, blogs, and other resources are great (we know, we write one!).  But talking with a couple who has much more experience in marriage, or a counselor, or even a pastor to discuss how your marriage could continue to improve is often a step worth taking.  And there should never be feelings of guilt or shame when desiring to improve your marriage.

Find a couple who has at least 10, if not 20-30 years more experience than you and schedule a dinner together.  Who knows, you may just discover they have a piece of wisdom you’ve never picked up on before.  And it may be the one piece of advice that you’re able to pass on to others years later.

Q and A on Friday:

Greetings All,

We’re not planning to do a Q & A session every Friday.  However, with our readership climbing there’s one question that keeps coming up over and over and over.  This question has nothing to do with marriage or intimacy, but our answer has everything to do with both.  The question is, “Why are you doing this?”

Yes, we acknowledge that some feel uncomfortable with our desire to openly discuss sex and marriage.  In fact, just yesterday I (Justin) had the opportunity to enjoy lunch with a friend.  We talked a little bit about marriage and intimacy and the importance of this subject and he said, “You know, some people just don’t want to talk about it.”  Therefore, we wanted to take the opportunity to write in greater detail why we have such a great interest in this subject…and why we believe it’s so important to talk about it.

First, we acknowledge there is a great deal of fear and anxiety when it comes to this subject.  Our culture speaks of sex as if no fear or anxiety exists, yet we all know it does.  However, we also acknowledge that God freely speaks of this subject without shame or fear.  And after years of openly discussing it with one another, we’ve come to acknowledge we have freedom in this area of our lives and are unashamed to be open in our discussion if it means other marriages may benefit.

And this is a second reason we have interest in this subject: we fully believe we can help others and their marriage.  While we’re not licensed counselors or experts, we have tremendous confidence we can help make a positive impact in others’ lives.  Simply put, we know from personal experience that freedom can be found in this area, and we have a sincere desire to write and provide couples with as much helpful information as we can.  We’ve helped couples who have been just married and have learned from couples who have been married over 50 years.  In the end, we have a strong desire to share what we’ve learned to help others grow in their marriage, and improve in what happens behind closed doors.

Finally, sex is good. We could discuss recipe sharing ideas or crafts for kids, but sex is the one area of life which healthy couples will experience thousands of times together.  Thousands. We all spend a lot of time making sure the meals we eat taste good and we believe we should also spend time making sure our sex lives are good as well.

This is just a little bit of why we feel so passionate about marriage and sexuality.  Feel free to continue reading along, as we have many other great posts to come.

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Have a question you’d like answered in a future Q & A post?  Feel free to let us know in the comments below.  Please keep your question short, but specific and we’ll do our best to answer it in a future post.