After we wrote our post about Sex Positions and Intimacy we received a few comments, emails, and a little to our surprise – lots of google hits. Apparently people google a good bit looking for sex positions. With all of these things in mind, we wanted to follow-up further.
Trying out different positions in intimacy is a great deal of fun and it may bring more, intense, or longer moments of intimacy. Trying different positions is also great for those who have various physical injuries or illnesses. For those looking for what you may deem “appropriate” resources to look for new sex positions, we recommend the following.
1) If you have an android or windows mobile phone – the ikamasutra app is the best solution. The images are sketches, not real individuals. The app used to be available on iOS and after some fun email dialogs with the developer, we’ve learned that an angry parent sent an email to Apple CEO Tim Cook, and he had the app removed. So if you’re looking for the app on iOS (which had 14 million downloads, by the way), your best step is to send Tim Cook a personal email asking for it to be reinstated. We did. And yours may prove helpful as well.
2. Outside of ikamasutra, find resources that include sketches, but not images of real people. Once, when making this recommendation during a Do Not Disturb small group study (great title for a small group study, don’t you think?), we received some push back. One couple in particular didn’t understand why looking at images or videos of real people showing how to get into various positions could be harmful. We wholeheartedly stand by our original conclusion. Most people CAN look at sketches without lusting after somebody other than their spouse. That said, most people CANNOT look at real people lying naked without having inappropriate thoughts. If you’re one of those people who believe you can, good for you. But as for us, we stay away from sexually alluring images at all costs. Our spouse is the only person our eyes need to see naked. No others.
But with this information out of the way, the real question becomes: Are various sex positions really necessary? Why not just stick with your “go-to” positions and enjoy one another? This is an extremely valid point. Therefore, we wanted to write a little bit about three benefits of having “go-to” sex positions:
Your go-to position(s) have become your go-to position(s) for a number of reasons. They provide both physical and emotional comfort. These positions may provide such wonderful face to face intimacy or such sensual caresses that one or both partners prefer to connect in that same way regularly. Choosing to approach sex in a similar way each time does not mean sex will feel boring or mundane. It simply affirms that there is in fact a great deal of satisfaction and no need to change anything. Not only that, but keeping the go-to positions doesn’t mean it’s always the same. Where and when you put your finger, hands, and mouth won’t necessarily be the same for every sexual encounter. There’s nothing at all wrong with enjoying the comfort of the same positions over and over again.
Caution: While most couples have positions that satisfy their every desire for sex, times of intimacy are not meant to be mundane or routine. Without a doubt the mindset behind each sexual encounter is more fundamentally important that adventurous positions. However, mixing it up on occasion can open both your mind and your body to further satisfaction. Trying new things may overwhelm you with a sense of newness, intrigue and/or excitement that can benefit your sex life and your marriage as a whole. What we’re saying is this: Enjoy the comfort of your go-to positions…but also enjoy the freedom to express your oneness in new ways. There is no right or wrong, just satisfaction.
2) It produces the intended result, orgasm.
When a position provides just the right amount of stimulation in just the right places it is likely to become a favorite for both husband and wife. Because orgasm feels so incredible and is such a powerful connection during intercourse, finding a position that regularly produces that effect is likely to become a staple in the bedroom.
Caution: Orgasm is not the only goal (or even primary goal) of every sexual experience you have with your spouse. Sex is not designed to be a mere meeting of physical urges. Sex is meant to be an intimate connection between a husband and wife in which they can be naked and unashamed. They can enjoy a physical oneness of body, mind, soul and spirit. They can laugh, cry, give and receive in the most intimate of ways possible. Sex is not simply about orgasm, it is about unity, or “soulgasm”. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to experience orgasm every time you have sex. So enjoy your favorite positions and enjoy climaxing. But don’t rob your spouse of trying something new that may ultimately bring them to a deeper love for you and your body.
3) You know what to expect
One additional benefit to sticking with your go-to positions is that you both know what to expect. Most people live by routine. They shower the same way every day. Drive the same route to work. It makes sense that through the years you end up having sex in the same positions. You know what to expect…and as we said above, there is some comfort in that. This is completely OK. It’s good to know that when you lock your bedroom door you know exactly how to please your spouse and they know exactly how to please you. To know that you’re both going to walk away from this experience getting exactly what you were craving. So enjoy your go-to positions, and go for just that.
Caution: Routines in life can be as dangerous as they are helpful. Many people often mix-up their morning routine and change their driving pattern so that their life doesn’t feel too routine. They want life to be about the experiences and they purposefully choose to live each day a little differently so they can best experience life. If you have a spouse with this type of personality, varying positions in the bedroom will be something they constantly crave. So, stick with your go-to positions all you want, but if they want to always altar things around and live for the experience, then be sure to occasionally provide them an experience that will keep them coming back for more.
What other benefits do you see in keeping go-to positions? What cautions, if any would you offer?