We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: Our culture is obsessed with sex. Spend just one hour listening to music on the radio or watching a television show, and you’ll see/hear a number of sexual references. Chances are you’ll see well over a dozen, perhaps two dozen in just an hour.
This overload of sex here, sex there, sex everywhere has led many people to have an incorrect and even inappropriate view of sex. From our observations, it seems the predominant view is that people believe they should be able to have and experience sexual freedom with whoever, whenever and as often as they want. The primary misstep of this view is an incorrect understanding of “freedom”. “Freedom”, from a cultural perspective, is all about physical sexual desire and nothing else. And while this “sexual freedom” mantra continues to be shouted from the mountaintops, people are discovering that this view of freedom has consequences.
Those who suffer these consequences begin believing that sexual freedom must not be possible. Or they attempt to hide their scars by engaging in “free-er” sexual activities. And the consequences just keep coming.
If you have personally experienced consequences of a sexually “free” lifestyle, we want to take an opportunity to let you know that there is such a thing as true sexual freedom. And this freedom is found when we understand some basic principles of healthy sexuality. For those who have never suffered these experiences, we encourage you to keep reading as well. These principles are vital for all who wish to fully understand sex, and sexual freedom.
1. Sex is…designed by God.
Our culture attacks this principle long and hard, and for many reasons. One is that God (or any religious beliefs) are under attack more and more today than ever before. People are having a difficult time on an intellectual level believing in a Supreme Being. But without getting into too many details, let’s just say for the sake of argument that there is a God. Now, if there is a God, and He’s completely “good”, and He created sex, then there must be something good about sex!
For the sake of brevity, this is exactly what we believe! The question now is, “Why would a ‘good’ God dole out severe consequences for people living sexually free lifestyles?” The answer, as we hinted above, is an incorrect view of freedom. One of these views is that sex is merely a physical appetite. We cover this in principle #2:
2. Sex is…not just physical.
Sex does feel good. REALLY good! It is a bonding experience that was purposefully designed and created to bring two people together in a way that nothing else can. Many argue that sex is all about physical urges and appetites that need to be satisfied…but there’s more to it than that. God tells us that He created sex to be like glue. The wording he used specifically means a permanent bond between 2 people. This bond, is not merely physical. It’s very emotional and very spiritual. Sex, therefore, is to be treated with care. This is why sex outside of marriage is dangerous.
Whoa, whoa, whoa…the objections begin pouring in. Dangerous? You actually believe sex outside of marriage is dangerous?
Yes, and we stand firm on this point. Sex is for marriage only. While the idea that 2 consenting adults enjoying the physical nature of the sexual relationship is touted as perfectly fine, it is a counterfeit to God’s best. Consensual or not, it leads to consequences that haunt people the rest of their lives. We’ve talked with men and women who have told us through tears how much their sexual past has hindered their personal life and/or their marriage. Sex outside of a permanent and covenantal marriage causes pain, and as said above, severe consequences.
We wish to be blunt for one moment: those who disagree with us on this point are very likely to be currently experiencing (or have experienced) consequences for their sexual lifestyle. Our encouragement to you is this: try changing your view of sexual freedom and continue to seek out what God says about sex. Your way hasn’t worked, it isn’t working now, and will never work…so maybe it’s time you try something different. This leads to principle #3:
3. Sex is…a picture of God’s Love.
We have to be honest, the Bible is so full of wisdom on marriage and sex it’s actually unbelievable. One of the things it says about marriage (and sex) is that it’s a picture of Jesus’ love for the church. If you haven’t read the bible much, this is pretty incredible. Jesus lived a perfect life. And then died a severely tortuous death. And he did it all as a way to love us. It was the perfect example of what God’s love towards us is like. He was willing to literally go through hell so that we could understand his love for us.
Now, translate this to marriage and sex. Marriage and sex are supposed to be just like God’s love. We’re completely “one” with our spouse and this oneness is physical, emotional and spiritual. When we operate in this oneness, the idea of sexual freedom begins to take on a whole different picture. A married couple is completely free to enjoy one another sexually, yet at the same time operates in such a way that they willingly sacrifice their own wants and desires for their spouse. These sacrifices happen in the marriage relationship as well as in the bedroom. While this selfless love appears unfulfilling from the outside, couples who live this way are more sexually free and are physically and emotionally satisfied in ways that other couples will never experience. This leads to principle #4:
4. Sex is…worth understanding.
We realize we already said a lot of things that God communicates about sex. But we’ve only touched the tip of the iceberg. For those of you who may not be married, we want to let you know that sex is worth the wait. As we wrote above, the number of people we’ve communicated with who have sexual regrets from their past continues to climb. The hurt and pain they experience is very real. While they can experience sexual freedom again, it takes them a bit longer to understand it and appreciate it.
For all: if you’ve never in life opened your bible and read and studied what it says about marriage and sex, we strongly encourage you do so. If you want, click the link at the top of the page and go through “The Meaning of Marriage” study. If you don’t understand sex you’ll never fully appreciate sexual freedom. And it’s our desire that not only appreciate sexual freedom, but you experience it as well. Freedom can be found behind closed doors. And once you discover it and experience it, you’ll also experience a lasting satisfaction that will never be taken from you.
Have you experienced an incorrect view of “sexual freedom”? What impact has it had on your life or marriage?
Have you experienced a correct view of “sexual freedom”? What impact has it had on your life or marriage?