Slow It Down: Keeping the right attitude when sex “takes too long”

We all lead incredibly busy lives.  We go from activity to activity with barely any thought as to how many different activities we make important in our lives. Some of us prioritize better than others and some of us simplify better than most, too.  That being said, it is still true that most of us live rushed lives, even when it comes to sex.  This busyness in our lives leads to hurried sexual encounters.  Even if you take a “long time” with sex (say 1 hr.) you limit your sex life because you can’t spare extra hours to spend having sex.  Some even admit they would have more sex if it didn’t “take too long”.

In a comment on her recent blog post about The Elusive Orgasm Kate of One Flesh Marriage had this to say about taking our time during sex: “Think about it, if it only took 2-5 minutes each time, we would never spend “time” together, we would just have sex and move on. God designed one of us to slow things up a bit and while that seems like a burden to us, it is a good thing.”  That is some great advice and a wonderful perspective.

Though we could write much more on the subject (and we very well may in the future) we just want to challenge you to think about how your rushed and busy life impedes your sex life and marriage.  If you fall into the trap of thinking sex “takes too long” and are therefore less interested in sex and make love less often as a result here are a few questions to consider.

1. What are the benefits of slowing it down in the bedroom?  How does that positively enhance my marriage?

2. Are there things I need to cut out of my life to allow more time to keep things slow and truly savor this time with my spouse?

3. How can I learn to focus my mind and heart on my spouse during love making rather than thinking about my to-do list or the countless other things I could do with that “extra time”?

We know that this may be very challenging for some of you.  Truly great sex is always challenging on some level because it has been designed to require such a deep level of vulnerability.  Putting aside the time crunched thinking and truly understanding the beauty of  spending time with your spouse in this way will benefit your sex life as well as your marriage as a whole.