Sex After Kids: Perspectives

We are so excited about the positive responses we are receiving concerning Do Not Disturb and have already had several conversations with people posing us questions.  One request we had was that we discuss our suggestions about sex after having kids.

One thing those of us who have children can all agree on is that our sex lives change after children enter the picture.  There is another human being who needs our attention, affection and energy.  Sadly, the needs of our children often seem more immediate than our need or desire for sex.  So, how do we reconcile the differences between our sexual desires and the pressing and immediate needs of our children.

1.  Recognize a strong marriage is very important to parenting well.  Having  a strong marital relationship is beneficial for your children’s  personal identity development and can help them foster positive relationships in the future.  Taking time to put your marriage first, including your sex life, will benefit your family as a whole.

2.  Take time to talk about your expectations and needs when it comes to sex now that you have family obligations.  There are few things worse than feeling like you are completely ignoring or disregarding your spouses needs. But with open communication it is so much easier to find out you may not actually be miles apart in your thinking.

3.  Take time to plan for sex and use all day long to prepare for it.  Set aside pretenses and notions that sex always has to be romantic and learn the art of the quickie.  Gone are the days of free time and spontaneity.  There is nothing wrong with putting on your calendars when you want to connect intimately.  The important thing is to follow through!  Prepare yourself all day by thinking about your planned intimate time and you won’t believe how much you are ready to go by the time the day is done.

4.  Evaluate things in your life that are causing distractions and prohibit you from having intimate time as a priority in your marriage.  If at the end of the day you have nothing left to give your spouse, evaluate what you are giving all your energy to and whether or not it’s worth it.  If you find that you are out of the house for activities every night or most nights of the week consider dropping something from your schedule to be home.  We really do believe that a strong marriage and family life is far better at producing a well rounded child than providing them with every lesson and sports activity available.

Tomorrow we will address further ideas about how we have managed to make our love lives a priority but we would love to hear from you.  How have kids cramped your style and what are you willing to do about it?

Link: WLW

3 thoughts on “Sex After Kids: Perspectives

  1. Understanding on part of the hubby is also important and grace from yourself as well. I’ve had three infections since having my son 7 weeks ago, and as much as I want to be there for my husband I just can’t be. I’m putting more pressure on myself than my husband is, but I still feel guilty. Expectations should be talked about because reality is different now. Just verbalizing it is helpful.

    • Very true and good point. Postpartum time is so vastly different for each person and understanding goes a long way in building the relationship rather than hurting it. Thanks for reading and commenting.

  2. Pingback: Sex Drives: Libido Saboteurs « Do Not Disturb

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